I have a whole laundry list of foods that my body does not handle well. My husband's list is dramatically shorter. People have asked me how I juggle this; whether I cook separate meals or expect everyone to only eat what I can eat. Now it's just the two of us, but some of our four kids were still at home when we started figuring out my food issues.
The answer to those questions is... yes.
To handle this complex issue, I've done a little of both (accommodation and it-has-to-be-what-I-can-eat) . For a while, to help me break out of the bread habit, I asked my family to not have wheat bread in the house. They were so kind to go along with that! Bread was one of the hardest things for me to let go of. It helped so much to have the support of my family in that. Only one of our kids needs to be gluten-free. The rest of them do not enjoy gluten-free bread. They were so gracious in this! We did shift to only gluten-free pasta and noodles, and they liked the alternatives well enough to be fine with that. Their cooperation was a tremendous help. I did shift all my baking/cooking to what I and our daughter can have. As my skills have improved, they've lived gladly with this change.
I would often cook the same basic meal, with a couple of alternatives. This goes along with my general approach to the kids' food preferences over the years. I've never been willing to cater whole separate meals. That just makes no sense to me. I would, within the family dinner, leave some flexibility. We had one child who could not stand creamy sauces on pasta. When I made that kind of meal, I would put some of the cooked pasta aside for him before adding the sauce. If I was making something that I knew one of the kids could not stand, I made sure to do it when there were leftovers or sandwich materials that they could have instead. I was not making them a separate meal, but letting them have something else that they prepared for themselves.
My one big hard line at the dinner table was: do not be rude to the cook! I have zero tolerance for rudeness to the person who just worked to put food in front of you. "Do I have to eat this?" with an expression of disgust...no deal. But I understand that people have different preferences and things they truly cannot stand. One of our kids can't stand tacos. One can't stand the texture of "boiled" meat (stew, corned beef, etc.) One is not a big fan of scones and biscuits. When those feelings were expressed in a courteous manner, I was absolutely willing to work with them. They did not have to eat things that made them gag, but they could not be rude at my table. I think that's an important life lesson for kids to learn. My mom gave that grace to me, with things I couldn't stand, and I gave it to our kids.
Now that it's just the two of us, and my food world has become increasingly limited, here's how I handle it: each week's meal plan includes things that work for both of us, things that are only for me, and things that are only for my husband. For example, one night I might make spaghetti for my husband while I eat leftovers. The next night, I'll make something that works for me but that he really doesn't like. He has his leftover spaghetti, so he's provided for. I balance this system with making things that work for both of us. Sometimes, I adapt within the same meal. With Shepherd's Pie, for example, I top half with mashed potatoes for my husband and the other half with mashed sweet potatoes for me. A couple of times a week, I'll make a pot of soup that only I will enjoy and that's what I eat for my lunches.
This works, because I don't have actual food allergies or Celiac disease. I have a long list of intolerances, diagnosed through blood tests and experience, but not actual allergies. Because of this, the possibility of cross-contamination is not a life-threatening issue for me.
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